Balding Song

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lyrics

HAIRLINE SONG:



L: Wake up, jerk off, go to sleep, wake up, then shower

A: wake up, make the coffee go to sleep, wake up, then shower

L: Damn this shower feels good

A: I slept for 20 extra minutes so I skipped the shower

L: Scrub my hair, scrub my face, scrub my chest, wash my dick

A: Ended up sleeping more and dreaming that I’m in a glass house and a Tornado comes and it shatters the glass and the glass stabbed my calf, and then I wake up with a Charlie Horse.

But Anyways...

L: Mirror is fogged, all dried up, drain is plugged

A: Time for nothing, slept to long, Splash some water on my pit and I’m on my way

L: Water won’t go down the drain, there must be something blocking it

A: Don’t worry ‘bout it go on with your day, you’ll thank yourself laterrrr

L: Is that my hair?

A: Might be your hair

L: Oh my god my hair

A: The thing about hair

L: Andy it’s my hair, its my goddamn hair…IT SHOULD BE ON MY HEAD! NOT IN SOME TUBDRAIN…

A: Lorenzo, remember!

35% of men in the USA

Have the same problem we do every day

They go to work

They go to school

Hell, some of em even take a dip in the pool


The shinting beams from their collective scalps

Will light our way

Don’t be afraid to be

The Balding One x3

Don’t be ashamed to be

The Balding One x3

A: Now Lorenzo

L: Yeah Andy?

A: There’s nothing to be worried about

You started the big B and that’s

Balding!

But it’s no reason to shout

L: I guess I’m just a little bit nervous

About my new-found follicle loss

A: Hey, Just think about peeps like the Monopoly Guy

He’s got a monocle and he looks real BOSS

L: So you’re saying I should get a monocle?

A: No I’m not saying you should get a monocle.

The monocle is just a way to look cool

L: So you are saying I should get a monocle?

A: Man, forget the monocle, The Monocle is just the monopoly guy’s way to look cool like you gotta find your own way to look cool, know what I mean??

L: Yeah... I'll get a monocle

A: No! Just find your own way to look real cool, that’s why I’m always wearing this headband

The Shining Beams From Their Collective Scalps

Will Light Our Way

Don’t be afraid to be

The Balding One x3

Don’t be ashamed to be

The Balding One x3

A: Stanley Tucci’s not afraid to be the balding one! No no no!

L: John C Reily’s not afraid to be the balding one!

A: My dad’s not afraid to be the balding one!

He’s Harry MOTHERFUCKING Orscheln!


DON’T BE AFRAID TO BE THE
BALDING ONE
BALDING ONE
BALDING ONE

BALDING ONE

credits

from We're Here!, released May 4, 2016

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