We're Here!

by TIBERIUS!

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about

Comedy Music from Andy Orscheln and Lorenzo Toia. Based in Chicago, IL.

credits

released May 4, 2016

ALL SONGS WRITTEN & PERFORMED BY: Andy Orscheln, Lorenzo Toia.
UKULELE/ACOUSTIC GUITAR: Andy Orscheln
ELECTRIC GUITAR/BASS: Paul Desman
CAJON/PERCUSSION: Nathan Sandberg
PERCUSSION/ACCORDION/SHAKERS/TRIANGLES/WOOD BLOCKS/TAMBOURINE/BASS/BONGOS/GONGS/BELLS: Brad Kemp

ALL SONGS RECORDED, MIXED & PRODUCED BY: BK Studios.

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TIBERIUS! Chicago, Illinois

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Track Name: We're Here
We're here!
L: Tell your lady friends
A: I'm on the uke!
L: I don't even play an instrument
Make you laugh
Make you cry
Make you poop
We're Tiberius!

(banter)

You know that the funny show's about to start
When the guys are on the stage talking poops 'n' farts
Poops 'n' farts
Poops 'n' farts
Did you hear that they talkin' bout poops 'n' farts???

We're here!
Tell your lady friends
A: I'm on the uke!
L: I don't even play an instrument
Make you laugh
Make you cry
Make you poop
We're Tiberius!

Just sit back
kick off your shoes
before you sit down just be sure
You've got plenty of boooooooooze

Make you laugh
Make you cry
Make you poo
Make you cry again (it's either laugh, cry, or poo!)
Tiberius makes you laugh
Tiberius makes you cry
Tiberius makes you poo.
Track Name: Wakin' Up
Waking up and smoking weed is the best way to wake up (x4)
Track Name: Balding Song
HAIRLINE SONG:



L: Wake up, jerk off, go to sleep, wake up, then shower

A: wake up, make the coffee go to sleep, wake up, then shower

L: Damn this shower feels good

A: I slept for 20 extra minutes so I skipped the shower

L: Scrub my hair, scrub my face, scrub my chest, wash my dick

A: Ended up sleeping more and dreaming that I’m in a glass house and a Tornado comes and it shatters the glass and the glass stabbed my calf, and then I wake up with a Charlie Horse.

But Anyways...

L: Mirror is fogged, all dried up, drain is plugged

A: Time for nothing, slept to long, Splash some water on my pit and I’m on my way

L: Water won’t go down the drain, there must be something blocking it

A: Don’t worry ‘bout it go on with your day, you’ll thank yourself laterrrr

L: Is that my hair?

A: Might be your hair

L: Oh my god my hair

A: The thing about hair

L: Andy it’s my hair, its my goddamn hair…IT SHOULD BE ON MY HEAD! NOT IN SOME TUBDRAIN…

A: Lorenzo, remember!

35% of men in the USA

Have the same problem we do every day

They go to work

They go to school

Hell, some of em even take a dip in the pool


The shinting beams from their collective scalps

Will light our way

Don’t be afraid to be

The Balding One x3

Don’t be ashamed to be

The Balding One x3

A: Now Lorenzo

L: Yeah Andy?

A: There’s nothing to be worried about

You started the big B and that’s

Balding!

But it’s no reason to shout

L: I guess I’m just a little bit nervous

About my new-found follicle loss

A: Hey, Just think about peeps like the Monopoly Guy

He’s got a monocle and he looks real BOSS

L: So you’re saying I should get a monocle?

A: No I’m not saying you should get a monocle.

The monocle is just a way to look cool

L: So you are saying I should get a monocle?

A: Man, forget the monocle, The Monocle is just the monopoly guy’s way to look cool like you gotta find your own way to look cool, know what I mean??

L: Yeah... I'll get a monocle

A: No! Just find your own way to look real cool, that’s why I’m always wearing this headband

The Shining Beams From Their Collective Scalps

Will Light Our Way

Don’t be afraid to be

The Balding One x3

Don’t be ashamed to be

The Balding One x3

A: Stanley Tucci’s not afraid to be the balding one! No no no!

L: John C Reily’s not afraid to be the balding one!

A: My dad’s not afraid to be the balding one!

He’s Harry MOTHERFUCKING Orscheln!


DON’T BE AFRAID TO BE THE
BALDING ONE
BALDING ONE
BALDING ONE

BALDING ONE
Track Name: Past Lorenzo
“Life is so hard”
I hear people whine
“There’s so much to do
I haven’t the time!”
But time is my friend
My homey extreme
Past Lorenzo and I
we make a mighty fine team
For instance, if I forget
I'm always one step ahead
I guess its called planning
I call its magic insteadddddd

A: Past Lorenzo’s done it again
L: He left clean socks for me at home for when I came back from my trip
A: Past Lorenzo’s done it again
L: He puts an ice cube in my coffee, so I never have to take the caution sip
A: Past Lorenzo’s done it again
L: When he googled the weather, he had me in mind
A: Past Lorenzo’s done it again
L: He sent my taxes in the mail so I wouldn’t be fined.

Time’s not something you buy
So you've got to be sure that you have an ally
Past Lorenzo, he truly cares
That handsome bastard and I make a mighty fine pair
When the toilet paper’s low, he makes sure Future Lo knoowwwwwwws
So in the future I can wipe my butt!

Past Lorenzo’s done it again
I have reservations for two at my favorite restaurant
Past Lorenzo’s done it again
Remember that time I wasn’t prepared, because I do not!
Past Lorenzo’s done it again
If you see me planting post-it notes, just get on with your day
Past Lorenzo’s done it again
When my lips are chapped, Andy O saves the day!
A: Hey, what're you talkin about?
L: Pants. Left pocket.
A: Chapstick! How long has this been in here?
L: October.


A: Hey Lorenzo, mind if I try out some of this past Andy stuff?
I COOK COOK COOK A LOT OF FOOD AT HOME
TO SAVE MYSELF SOME HOURS AND MONEY DURING THE WEEK
BUT SOMETIMES I GET DRUNK AND EAT ALL THE FOOD
PAST ANDY AND I ARE NOT DANCING CHEEK TO CHEEK
AND MOST TIMES, IN THE END
MY PAST ME’S NOT MY FRIEND
THE THINGS I LIKE TO TASTE
EQUALS THE MONEY THAT I WASTE
CUZ IF YOU BUY SOME CANDY
DO YOU SAVE THE CANDY?
NOT IF YOUR NAME’S ANDY

L: PAST ANDY’S DONE IT AGAIN
A: Didn’t do laundry at all this week, its another interview in dirty clothes
L: PAST ANDY’S DONE IT AGAIN
A: Toilet overflow in the morning, didn't fix it! Sorry Future Andy for your nose
L: PAST ANDY’S DONE IT AGAIN
A: I have keys to dogs houses, dogs that I walk, where those keys are? I don’t know.
L: PAST ANDY’S DONE IT AGAIN
A: Plus a miss a lot cuz I’m taking naps, how do you do it, Lorenzoooo?

L: Time heals all wounds
Absence makes you grow fonder,
but without a friend
You're left alone to wander
You need a past you
Looking out for you
Scraping ice off your car, a cold beer will do

Past Lorenzo’s done it again
Hey Brad! How's it going out there?
B: Oh, pretty goood, pretty good...
A:
L: Are you sure? You don't need anything?
B: I mean, I'm a little hungry...
A:
L: Hey Brad, do me a favor. Check under your keyboard.
B: What, why?
A:
B: A cheeseburger?!?!? I should've known...
ALL:
PAST LORENZO'S
DONE IT AGAINNNNNNN
Track Name: Takin' a Shower
Taking a shower and drinking a beer is the best way to take a shower (x4)
Track Name: Earth Brother
A: Imagine yourself as a little bug
After a hard day’s work all you need is a hug

L: Your six legs are achin’, I mean, shit, Bugs don’t sleep!
I'm on my way home, and think hey what’s this thing in front of me?

A: Dubble Bubble, what the fuck is that?

L: All these gum wrappers everywhere are blocking my path

A: And it took 12 minutes for him to get back home

L: And that’s just like, 9 years in ant time, and the ants family had left him and now he's alone.

CHORUS:

This is our song for the Earth!
Gotta Clean up the Earth

A: It’s not your bedroom, it’s Earth
It’s not like

L: "Oh yeah man no problem,
We’ll just get another Earth!”

Gotta Protect the Earth
Cuz she’s our only Earth Mother

A: Hey Man! What’re you doing to that crableg?

L: That’s your Earth Brother

A: And he's covered in butter…

A: Imagine yourself as a liiiiiiitle trout
Swimming through currents and streams, in and out!

L: Eatin’ little planktons, don’t worry they’re sugar free
I'm on my way back home, but what’s this thing in front of me?

A: Some kind of plastic rings
from some human bullshit

L: And my strange fish curiosity
is gonna make you swim through it

A: This fish would’ve lived

L: But now this fish is gonna die!

You always gotta cut your 6 pack rings!

And here’s how!!

CHORUS

A: Hey man, what are you doing to that Rabbit’s foot?

L: That’s your Earth Brother…


A: Imagine yourself as a baby deer

L: Imagine yourself as a leaf on the wind

A: Imagine yourself as a medium sized hilll

L: Imagine yourself as An oil covered seal

A: Imagine yourself as a 3 legged Rhino

L: Imagine yourself as a Pigeon covered in Puke

A: Imagine yourself as An Elephant with no tusks

L: Imagine yourself as a tiger covered in puke

A: Imagine yourself as a badger with a broken paw

L: Wait, that's not our fault

A: THAT BADGER CLUMSY!

Help animals that you see
Plant plants that’s what we all need
The Lorax is gonna come back
You know that motherfucker speaks for the trees

Gotta Clean up the Earth
It’s not your bedroom its Earth
Its not like
Oh Yeah Man no Problem, we’ll just get another Earth
Gotta Protect the Earth
Cuz she’s our only Earth Mother
Hey man what’re you doing to that
You?
That’s your Earth brother.
Track Name: Goin' To Bed
Smoking weed and going to bed is the best way to go to bed (x4)
Track Name: BONUS: Party Space Station
Yeah its a Party Party
Up in the Station Station
and nobody fuck with us
we be writing Sci-Fi Rhymes
Whether we talkin' bout Jean Luc Picard or Vader
These words'll stick like Now 'n' Laters
We're partying tonight in SPACE

(ANDY)
I'm like Marty McFly driving in the Delorean
Jedi Ladies at the party saying "I wanna see more o' him"
Got my robes on. Later to dance I might shed it
Gonna make the booty's shake when I RAIN Galactic Credits

(LORENZO)
Scotty Beam his ass down Obi-Wan you're in luck
You can keep your damn Force this Phaser's set to FUCK
Green bitches drop their swords, and make it work
For the Klingon smackin, Tribble-attackin James T Kirk

(ANDY)
J-J-J-James Tiberius Kirk you're so successful
By far superior to the rest, so, so Janeway, Sisqo and Picard

(BOTH)
You know that only one captain makes us hard! So you can

(LORENZO)
Step aside that'll do the trick
Logic dictates you see what my dick tastes like
NO OTHER LOLLIPOP IN CANDYLAND

(ANDY)
We're kickin Vader Haters out because the Dark Sides stronger than Gammoreans
We got Deloreans
Tell Doc we're gonna need some more o' them

(LORENZO)
I need to beat the competition
I spray my Binaca
But Lando left so the only brotha's are Windu and Panaka

(ANDY)
I'm yer Dark Side, bitch
You ever been with a Sith?
I'm gonna set my Boba Fett into your Sarlaac Pit

(BOTH)
We're Palpateenin' this party
shootin' lightning out our waists
Kickin beats out with The Force
In SPACE!

(ANDY)
But there's some girl with Leia curls
could be my one and only hope for mirth
Skip calling Boba Fett
I figured out how much her Bounty's worth
and I think its cuz she's reminding me about that curse of always
thinking about the nerdy girl that you watched Star Wars with first...

I remember feelin' fuzzy like Bothans
Ya thought I couldn't be a Scoundrel
I might be one
Fuckin Midichlorians? Yeah i got em
I'm takin Padme to a wedding as my +1
Don't give a poo doo if a rapping Jedi's been done
when I be Flowin I be Goin like a Gun Gun!
And anybody in the 'verse thats talking shit I'll flick on my lightsaber
Split a Sith in half like Obi Wan
Cuz I'm a Jedi Knight, Bitch!
Defending the Peace
Travelin the galaxy unless I forget my keys
Gotta job a family a galaxy in my pants
and a Party in the Station bitches, yeah
watch this Imperial Guard DANCE!

(BOTH)
Yeah its a Party Party
Up in the Station Station
and nobody fuck with us
we be writing Sci-Fi Rhymes
Whether we talkin' bout Jean Luc Picard or Vader
These words'll stick like Now 'n' Laters
We're partying tonight in SPACE